Week 9: Discussion Question #3

3). Pick one concept from the assigned reading, that has not already been discussed during this discussion week, that you found useful or interesting, and discuss it.

This week the section in chapter 7 titled Active Listening Response Methods really stood out to me. I think they are all key concepts to actively responding, but the one that really stood out to me was using nonverbal communication. I feel that nonverbal communication at times can actually be more effective than the words that we speak, especially when we are listening. The book states that, “Since more that 50% of all meaning is communicated nonverbally, effective listeners make use of nonverbal gestures. Making eye contact, nodding our heads, and sitting in an attentive manner all indicate that we are interested ad listening, and they encourage the speaker to continue talking.”(Harris, 139) Nonverbal communication is key to understanding the meaning of the words that we speak and the feelings that we want to express to others. When actively listening you do not always have the opportunity to speak a lot. You must depend on nonverbal communication as a listener, in order for your speaker to know you are engaged in the conversation. Someone that does not show any nonverbal then shows the speaker that they have no interest in the conversation. I am verbal and kinesthetic learner and when I am having a conversation with someone else I depend on nonverbal communication to understand how the other person is feeling, as well the meaning behind his or her words spoke. Nonverbal communication speaks much louder to be than verbal communication.

Week 9: Discussion Question #2

2). Give a personal example where you have had selective attention. Why do you think that is? Is there a way you were able to overcome it?

I can recall many times were I have been a candidate of selective attention. One that stands out to me happened to me a few weeks ago. I was at work and I was helping a customer and finishing his sale at the register. This client was very chatty throughout the whole sale the customer was talking about his personal life and trying to relate every situation to my life. Once I finally got him to the register I was happy to say that I was hoping he would pay and leave, considering her had talked my ear off for the last hour. Well I was wrong the customer kept talking to me for about ten minutes after his sale was finalized. After the customer had left one of my co-workers asked me what was he talking to you about for so long. I thought about it and I did not have an answer for my co-worker. I was not really interested in what the customer had to say, so I tuned out the stuff that I did not care for and did not want to talk about. I chose which aspects of the conversation that I wanted to talk about. I know that it was possibly rude to the customer, but it was completely based on the fact that we did not share a common interest in some topics and I weighed out what I thought was more important than the others.
I think that I chose to do this because one the customer talked a lot and at some point it was too much. As well there were many things that the customer was discussing that I had no interest in. I tuned out the things that were less important and the things that I did not agree on. To a point I felt annoyed and wanted to get out of all conversations with this customer. It was not to be rude, but it was just because I chose to pick and chose what I thought was important to me.
I do think that there are ways to overcome this. I could simply give my full attention to someone that is talking even if I do not agree. This could be a way to see someone else perspective on a topic. I am missing out on the opportunity to see another side of things as well as coming off as rude to another person. Given that everything in our lives is not going to be interesting. At times I am sure that there are things I talk about and people use selective attention because they just are not interested. I should be more open and willing to listen to others. I could miss out on something important that I do not know about because I chose to not listen. This could also lead to very intellectual conversations if I stay involved in the conversation.

Week 9: Discussion Question #1

1). Think of a recent situation in which you found listening difficult. Which one (or more) of the four phases presented the most difficulty for you? Why? How could this have been overcome?

About a month ago I encountered a situation where listening was difficult for me. I was at work and I noticed that one of my co-workers was helping a couple that was using sign language. Now, I have taken 4 courses in American Sign Language and saw he was struggling so I thought I would try and assist. I walked over and told the couple that I knew sign language. They were excited to know this because they were not finding what they were looking for because they were not understood. Now, I have not brushed up on my sign language in a few years so I was a little slow to understand. I was trying to read all the signs he was giving me but did not understand or I was misunderstanding. The couple was a bit frustrated at first because in American Sign Language you are to be knowledgeable in the proper signing and facial expressions or it is consider rude. I let them know I forgot a lot of signs and I was slow. They were more understanding after I told them this. It did make it very difficult to understand them because I was not up to date on my signing. I did not understand or I was misinterpreting the signs. I also had to ask them to repeat themselves a few times and this is also to be considered very rude. It is like having a conversation with a hearing person and saying “what, can you say that again, I still do not understand, again please.” This can become very repetitive and irritating.
If I had to apply one of the four phases to my situation, I would have to say that evaluating the message context fits the best. During this process I had to form opinions and make judgment on what I thought the messages were. I had to take all the facts being presented and try and put them together to figure out what was being said. Since it was a difficult process because I did not understand some of the messages that were being said I misunderstood and made assumptions about what I thought it was.
A way to overcome this problem would be let the person know in the beginning of the conversation that I am not a fluent and this would avoid frustrations. I also could choose to refresh my skills and possibly become more fluent. And there would be less confusion about the messages being said.

Week 7: Discussion Question #3

3). Pick one concept from the assigned reading, that has not already been discussed this week, that you found useful or interesting and discuss it.

The concept from this weeks reading that I found interesting was body language. Body language is defined as “ Kinesics, the study of body language, consists of the messages we deliver through our physical appearance and by our movements and gestures.” (Harris, 117) Nonverbal communication I feel is one of the most important concepts in communicating with others. Our body language is key to understanding the way that we communicate. I have taken many classes in communication but I think that one that stood out to me the most was my sign language class. In order to communicate with the deaf you have to study and understand the body language of others. The movements and gestures of others help you to understand the meaning of the words. When you are unable to verbal expresses how you feel, we depend on the nonverbal aspects such as body language. This will tell you the true meaning of how someone is feeling. In either the deaf community or in communication with people that can verbally express how they feel. Not only by the things we say but how we look, the facial expression used, and the gestures we give to others. Without these gestures it would be almost in possible to read others and know how they are feeling; we depend on these gestures to understand others. Body gestures help to define the way we communicate and the explanation to how we feel and express ourselves. This impacts the way we communicate and the ways that we respond to others. It could be as simple as the way someone is clothed or the body language they present.

week 7: Discussion Question #2

2). Explain proxemics and chronemics. Are there universal rules for all cultures regarding these concepts? Give personal examples if possible. Give examples of personal experience in other cultures regarding these two concepts.

Proxemics is defined by Harris as “the ways we structure and use and are affected by space constitutes proximity, identified the study of the structuring of personal space-the invisible boundary individuals draw around themselves as proxemics.”
A personal example that helps explains this concept is my own personal boundaries. I am a very accepting and friendly person, but when it comes to personal space I am not as open. I am more distance with people that I am not familiar with. I chose to talk at a distance and no be so close. At time people that you just meet try to be friendly and sit by you and get really close to you when talking and I feel that this is invading my personal space and do not like it. I feel that they can still read my gestures, facial expression, voice, etc without being so close to me. You are able to observe all of this things from a distance and do not need to be so close. Once you get to know me and I become comfortable with you the space may be closer. But, I set my own personal boundaries to what is comfortable for me.
The concept of chronemics is defined by Harris as “the study of use of time.” I agree with what the book explained that as a Western culture we do live in a clock-based time and organize our lives by time. We chose to live our lives using a time frame for everything. Some examples in my life are the idea that I wake myself up everyday at a certain time to get ready for school. Then I know I will be in school for a specific amount of time, and then I give myself a time frame to how much time I have to go to the gym and shower before work. Once I have done all this I figure out what time I will be out of work and how much time it will take me to do my homework, so I have enough sleep to function for the next day. It is important to be able to manage all these things so that I am on time for all the important events. It is important to manage your time so that you can make enough time to meet all the expectations of your life. By being on time and making time for the things you feel are important in life it shows a strong sense of nonverbal behavior. Even though it may not be realized nonverbal communication is provided in every aspect of life. And such things as being on time, or managing your time well show a great emphasis of the person you are.

Week 7: Discussion Question #1

1). Return to the eight principles of nonverbal communication. Pick two principles, and provide new examples of how they operate in a group or team.

One principle of nonverbal communication is explained as “the things we notice, or our perceptions of nonverbal cues, leading to meaning.”(Harris, 115) To further explain this concept, this concept shows that nonverbal cues and perceptions can be read without words being spoken. A good example of this is students in a classroom. When a teacher is lecturing a class the teacher can tell the interest levels of the students nonverbal cues. Such as a student may be giving full eye contact, nodding, and occasionally looking down to take notes. The teacher reads these nonverbal cues, as the student is intrigued and interested in the lecture. Where as another student could be looking down, texting, sleeping, or sloughing could show boredom. The teacher could read the students nonverbal cues as the student not being interested, bored, tired, or apathetic about the lecture. We are able to read nonverbal cues of others facial expressions, body language, posture, distance, and touch. And by observing all of these nonverbal cues we are able to get a general idea of how an individual is feeling, the mood they are in, or how they may perceive a given situation. Nonverbal cues are simply reading a person without using words.

A second principle of nonverbal communication is “when what we do and what we say are inconsistent, nonverbal communication is more likely to be believed.” (Harris, 114) This principle is the idea that “actions speak louder than words.” An example of this situation is a group of student’s working together on a project for class. Everyone in this group communicates what their role is and the tasks that they need to complete. Unfortunately, one student decides that they want to slack off and not choose to their part of the project, but continues to tell the group that the work will get done and his portion with meet the group expectations. In this situation the one group member reiterates to his peers that his portion will be completed, but his actions show otherwise. Even though verbally the group was told about the completion of this students’ portion, he chose to not follow his words and his actions showed he was not committed. In other words when your actions and words do not match up, people are more likely to believe your actions rather than your words.